He Worried It Would Make Him A Bad Person For Leaving His Fiancée Over Her Special Needs Son

For more than two years, a 28-year-old man has been in a relationship with his 30-year-old fiancée, who has an 8-year-old son from a previous relationship. The son was born with a condition that caused him to have autism.

"Her son has significant developmental challenges, including low-functioning abilities and severe behavioral issues, with cognitive skills more similar to a 2-year-old than an 8-year-old."

"He has limited ability to speak, frequently experiences incontinence, and struggles to sleep through the night."

"I've put in a lot of effort to be a positive male role model, but I'm reaching my limit," he shared.

"When he began dating his fiancée, her son was living on the West Coast with his father. However, the father chose to relinquish custody and moved on to start a new family."

"Initially, it was just him and his fiancée enjoying their new relationship. However, things took a turn when her son returned to her life, leading to a dramatic shift in their dynamic for the worse."

"Since gaining full custody of her son, his fiancée has been noticeably more irritable and stressed, often facing episodes of depression."

"I’ve been doing my best to save the day, but honestly, I just miss waking up in my own place to enjoy a peaceful, quiet morning—even if it’s just once," he admitted.

"He's tired of the sleepless nights, waking up at 2 a.m. because his fiancée's son won't settle down. He's frustrated with constantly having to clean up after his fiancée's son when accidents happen. He's fed up with scrubbing the carpet when there's a mess to deal with."

"He expressed frustration, saying he's exhausted from watching him aggressively hit his own head every day when things don't go as planned."

"I’m exhausted by his tendency to spit at others when he’s angry. It’s wearing me down. I dream of having my own children, but with her son living here, it’s not suitable for a newborn. Since I met him, there has been minimal improvement in his behavior. I’m concerned that this might be his long-term developmental level."

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“If I decide to leave, I am deeply worried about the impact on my fiancée’s mental health. She has experienced numerous emotional struggles coping with the situation concerning her son, and I fear that my departure could push her into a severe depression. I care deeply for her and don’t want to cause her such distress.”

"He and his fiancée have looked into respite care options, but in their East Coast state, there is a significant waitlist."

"Although he and his fiancée have looked into respite care options, their East Coast state has a long waitlist."

"Before ending the relationship, he struggled intensely with the challenges of living with her son, leading to a downward spiral in his emotional well-being."

"He discontinued his gym workouts, began sleeping in excessively, and frequently showed up late to work. It became clear to him that he was struggling with profound unhappiness."

"It was a challenging and emotionally difficult period for me. However, I realized that preserving my own peace of mind was more important than making someone else happy at that point in my life."

At times, I question whether I made the right choice, given how challenging it will be for her to manage alone with her child. Just last week, I received a call from her son's school—my name is still listed as an emergency contact. On his first day there, her son had multiple accidents before lunch, using the bathroom on himself three times. I was asked to bring extra clothes as he had soiled three pairs and had no spares left.

“The school tried to reach his former fiancée but couldn’t connect with her because she was working. Nevertheless, he kindly delivered clothes for her son that day.”

“He understands that she will face significant challenges in raising her son alone, but he lacks the emotional capacity to reengage in such a high-stress situation.”

"He struggled with the concern that leaving her might make him a bad person. However, he's beginning to accept that prioritizing your own well-being doesn’t necessarily mean you're selfish or unkind."

"Protecting your peace of mind is invaluable. As life becomes more complex, it's essential to make difficult decisions as you navigate through your journey."

"Being able to look in the mirror at the end of each day and feel proud of who you are and your accomplishments is a key to personal satisfaction and well-being."

"What are some helpful tips you can offer him?"