How Missing “I Love You” in Childhood Shapes Anxious Attachment

Photo Credit: Shutterstock When we think about love, those three little words—“I love you”—often pop up. They’re simple yet powerful, and they symbolize a deep affection in any meaningful relationship. But is it damaging not to say “I love you” at all? Can it cause anxious attachment in adulthood? According to Dr. Quimby, a clinical psychologist, expressing these words can bolster our relationships. “It helps create a secure attachment style that models future relationships,” she told Parade. For kids, hearing “I love you” plays a pivotal role in emotional growth and development. “It boosts their self-confidence and resilience,” she added. But what if children don’t hear those words from their parents? Growing up in a family that didn’t openly show emotions could lead you to develop specific patterns in adulthood. Psychologists also reveal that missing out on hearing “I love you” as a child can result in traits reflecting emotional disconnect later in life. Dr. Quimby noted, “If you weren’t told ‘I love you’ as a child, you might not be comfortable expressing feelings this way.” Trust Issues Low Self-Esteem: Not hearing “I love you” can foster trust issues persisting into adulthood. Dr. MacBride explains that kids may feel unloved and question, “What’s wrong with me?” This often undermines confidence in pursuing personal goals. Difficulty Trusting Others and Expressing Emotions: Without hearing affirmations of love, you might find it hard to share your feelings. “Those not told they were loved might struggle to trust others,” Dr. MacBride noted. They could view emotional expression as insincere. A Need for External Validation: The absence of parental “I love you’s” often leads to seeking external validation. Dr. Brandy Smith from Thriveworks described this as a constant need for reassurance, questioning self-worth, and seeking affirmation from others. It stems from never feeling truly valued. Photo Credit: Shutterstock Fear of Being Alone Fear of Rejection: Not knowing how your parents felt creates a lasting fear of rejection. Dr. McGeehan said, “If we aren’t convinced we’re loved, we fear others don’t love us either.” This fear hinders people from putting themselves out there. Tendency Toward Anxiety: Uncertainty about love can lead to fears of loneliness that develop into anxiety or depression. Dr. Smith explained how low moods and anxiety stem from feeling unappreciated by loved ones. Photo Credit: Shutterstock Struggles with Boundaries Difficulty Setting Personal Boundaries: When self-worth is in doubt, establishing boundaries becomes a challenge. Dr. Geehan noted that when someone grows up without hearing “I love you,” they may struggle to assert themselves and often try to please others to feel accepted. People-Pleasing Behavior: A desire to be agreeable can reflect a deeper need to feel valued. Dr. Smith highlights that the mindset “If I’m nice enough, I’ll get the love I want” commonly starts in childhood. Difficulty Managing Emotions: Growing up in an emotionally distant environment can hinder emotional management. Dr. MacBride said that healthy self-regulation stems from loving relationships. Without this, emotional outbursts become more likely. Understanding anxious attachment can be the key to reshaping how you relate today. **Si on ne vous a jamais dit “je t’aime” étant enfant, vous avez probablement développé ces 8 traits à l’âge adulte** This article first appeared on aufeminin – Author: Laura Willinger Boost Mental Strength: Tips from Top Neurologists Emotional Wounds: How Childhood Impacts Adulthood Test Your Happiness: 4 Questions You Need to Ask Personality Trait Linked to Higher Intelligence 7 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted in a Relationship — & How to Take Back Control 4 Gaslighting Phrases Manipulators Use to Plant Doubt

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