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When you have a partner, you want to at least be amicable with their friends, too. Doing them favors, being polite and friendly, and generally showing effort can lead to better relationship satisfaction. Friends’ opinions matter. In fact, one in five women say they wouldn’t date someone their friends don’t like.
But where’s the line when it comes to how much a person should bend over backwards to please their partner’s friends? This guy thought his girlfriend had crossed that line when she volunteered his free weekend for some shelf building at her friend’s. The girlfriend thought he should be willing to do it to get in her friend’s good graces, but he saw this as an insult to him and his time.
A guy landed in hot water with his GF after he refused to help his friend out for “brownie points”Woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor looks upset while man refuses and stays focused on his phone on the couch
Image credits: itzabshubo (not the actual image)
Unbeknownst to him, she offered for him to build some shelves for her friend, but he refused to sacrifice his weekendText post describing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and acting insulted when he refuses.
Text about a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor building shelves and his refusal causing insult.
Text excerpt showing a woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor and his refusal to help build shelves.
Text excerpt describing a woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor and his refusal causing conflict.
Stack of vintage VHS tapes on a wooden shelf, highlighting themes of free labor and volunteer refusal in relationship dynamics.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Text showing a conversation about a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and him refusing to comply.
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Text excerpt about a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal causing tension in their relationship.
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Man refuses free labor after girlfriend volunteers him, causing tension and highlighting boundaries in their relationship.
Man measuring wooden furniture while refusing free labor request in a home renovation setting.
Image credits: lazy_bear (not the actual image)
Text post discussing boundary setting when a woman volunteers boyfriend for free labor and he refuses.
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People, especially women, care what their friends think about their partners and romantic relationshipsIt might seem silly, but a romantic relationship isn’t just about the two people who are in it. Family and friends of both partners matter too, and that’s what often makes them so complicated. You have to get along with your partner’s parents, siblings, friends, and sometimes even colleagues.
While it’s not fair to offer your partner’s free services to your friends and plan their time without their consent, there is some truth to the girlfriend’s “brownie points” argument. How a partner gets along with your friends matters.
As social psychologist Erica B. Slotter, Ph.D., explains to Psychology Today, a relationship doesn’t happen in a vacuum. “The truth is that our romantic connections are embedded within our broader social lives,” she writes. “Our romantic relationships occur in and around our broader social networks and relationships with family and friends.”
Women might care more about what their friends think of their boyfriends. Research shows, for example, that they feel happier in relationships when their best friends approve of their partners. Women whose partners and best friends get along report higher life satisfaction and self-esteem.
This, of course, depends on the person. In a 2015 study, researchers found that those who are more independent tend to care more about what their social circle has to say. Such individualistic people tend to resist what their friends and family think and desire to make their own choices.
People can’t assume their partners will be at their or their friends’ beck and call every timeWith that in mind, it’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries, time, and skills. Some people forget that. Like “Elizabeth” in this story, they assume a partner will go the extra mile just because the two people are in a romantic relationship.
In a healthy relationship, partners shouldn’t keep score. Sure, the boyfriend in this instance could’ve canceled his plans out of love for his girlfriend and chosen to help her friend. But he didn’t, and her assumption that he should have points to entitlement.
In a romantic relationship, the time both partners have matters. As American psychologist Mark Travers writes for Forbes, “relationships thrive when both partners feel seen and supported.” And in this case, the girlfriend failed to do that by ignoring the boyfriend’s plans and how much they meant to him.
He recommends that couples look at relationships through the lens of fairness and mutual respect, rather than feeling like they are owed something. “Elizabeth’s” selfish assumption that her boyfriend will do something just because it would please her or her friend doesn’t take into account his needs and wants.
Relationships where both partners are dedicated to caring for others and caring about the universal good are proven to be more successful. “People with pro-relational attitudes tend to demonstrate more empathy, actively nurture the relationship and approach conflicts with a focus on collaboration rather than personal gain,” Travers goes on to explain.
“Neither one of us gets to make decisions for the other,” the guy said, defending his position in the commentsReddit conversation about woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor and his refusal causing conflict and insulted reaction.
Reddit comments discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal causing conflict.
Reddit user discusses respecting partners and refusing to volunteer them for free labor or favors without consent.
Most commenters sided with the boyfriend: “Replace the GF”Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal.
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Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal.
Woman volunteers boyfriend for free labor and reacts insulted when he refuses, highlighting relationship tension.
Reddit user explains refusal of free labor request, emphasizing choice and respect in volunteer work dynamics.
Commenter reacting to woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor and acting insulted when he refuses.
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Comment discussing entitled behavior when woman volunteers boyfriend for free labor and he refuses, highlighting relationship issues.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor without his consent.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal causing tension.
Woman volunteers boyfriend for free labor, acts insulted when he refuses, showing relationship tension over respect and boundaries.
Commenter explains planning and measuring wood is essential for building bookshelves, highlighting free labor refusal context.
Comment discussing relationship advice about birth control and personal responsibility, related to volunteer labor refusal.
Reddit comment discussing woman volunteering boyfriend for free labor and acting insulted when he refuses.
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Comment text reading, Don’t let your mouth write checks for me to cash, expressing refusal to volunteer boyfriend for free labor.
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Commenter explains setting firm boundaries and refusing free labor after woman volunteers boyfriend without consent.
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Screenshot of a user comment discussing control and refusal related to a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor.
Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal.
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Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing volunteer labor and respect for others' time and consent in group tasks.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment where a user discusses a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor and his refusal.
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Screenshot of online forum comment discussing disrespect in relationships and refusal of unpaid labor requests from a boyfriend.
Commenter explains woman volunteered boyfriend for free labor without his consent and acts insulted when he refuses.
Text post explaining frustration over being volunteered for free labor and refusal causing insult in a relationship conflict.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment describing a high level of entitlement in a story about a woman volunteering her boyfriend for free labor.
Screenshot of an online comment where a woman volunteers boyfriend for free labor and he refuses, causing tension.
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