Remember me
Where the hell is the self-awareness, when it comes to England’s chronically failing national rugby union team? It does not seem an unreasonable question to ask.
You imagined there would be a wish to display self-effacement, contrition and quiet resolve early on Saturday afternoon from a national side who had been beaten to a pulp by Ireland and Scotland in the last two rounds of the Six Nations.
But after the players arrived at Italy’s Stadio Olimpico, England Rugby were tweeting images of Maro Itoje and Co parading in what the marketing people were calling the ‘official anthem’ jacket. ‘Looking smart. Click below now to shop.’
The only saving grace was that this piece of £100 merchandise was being flogged off in a clearance sale.
In this excruciating misreading of the national mood – which also saw us urged to ‘show support’ by buying a Red Rose replica jersey – you were rather reminded of the impression created by the Netflix Six Nations: Full Contact fly-on-the wall series last year, when some England players seemed to be labouring under the misapprehension that they were superstars.
That was the series which opened with Marcus Smith driving off in a brand new £130,000 Jeep to a meeting with American marketeers Roc Nation, who suggested Rihanna had taken a personal interest in him because he was going to be a ‘global star’. We were told that Smith had 'the best hair in world rugby' and drank Argentinian herbal tea. 'If it works for Lionel Messi, it'll do for me,' he said, without a hint of irony.
No one can be labouring under the illusion that England head coach Steve Borthwick is the man for the future after this humbling last month
A Netflix documentary on the Six Nations showed England back Marcus Smith being assured that he was on track to be a 'global star'
The contrast with Ireland's Peter O'Mahony, examining the pruning shears in his garden shed for the opening episode and gruffly relating that 'above all you have to perform', could barely have been more striking.
The episode screened just before England’s defeat in Dublin on an afternoon when the 27-22 losing scoreline flattered Steve Borthwick's men.
Now, England can’t even beat Italy, a side whose very presence in this tournament was being questioned after 36 straight defeats a mere four years ago. Yet we are being asked to swallow the delusional notion that all is well, by players who appeared to have drunk the Kool-Aid and possess a vastly overinflated view of themselves after England’s first Six Nations defeat by the Azzurri.
‘If that game ended at 60 minutes, you’d say that was an unbelievable performance by England,' said Ben Earl, 'but unfortunately the result didn’t go our way. Honestly, I am so buoyant with this team.'
'We stuck to the game plan,’ added Elliot Daly, who’d been overwhelmed by Italy's Tommaso Menoncello all afternoon.
This unexpurgated drivel and much more of the same ilk left some of us wondering if we’d been watching the same match.
Thank God for the transparent and uncomplicated wisdom of Sir Clive Woodward on these pages on Monday, unpicking a brand of kicking rugby which is bleak and failing. Seeing past the PR gloss of Borthwick inviting Thomas Tuchel, Winter Olympics star Matt Weston and the 2003 World Cup winners into the England set-up.
Fine for a team of winners, Sir Clive observed. But ‘why, ahead of a massive Test match, was the England camp full of distractions?’
‘If that game ended at 60 minutes, you’d say that was an unbelievable performance by England,' said a delusional Ben Earl. 'Honestly, I am so buoyant with this team'
A disagreement between captain Maro Itoje (right) and fly-half Fin Smith in Rome encapsulated England's lack of leadership
England’s players didn’t even seem to view Saturday as the most important event in their universe. Earl’s post-match observations gave the impression that travelling fans who’d forked out £160 for a Stadio Olimpico ticket were watching a preparation game for the 2027 World Cup.
‘I’d rather learn these lessons now than in Brisbane in 2027.’ When what you were actually looking for was a public apology to those supporters who had made this journey and watched a humiliation.
As I observed here in the aftermath of the demolition by Scotland two weeks ago, England - who have not won the Six Nations title for seven years and have won fewer Grand Slams since 2003 than any other country bar Scotland and Italy - seem resigned to their status as the biggest serial failures in English sport.
A run of 12 wins coming into the Six Nations had created an air of invincibility around Borthwick, when out here in the real world, anyone would tell the coach’s disciples that such a sequence pales by comparison with what a Six Nations title - a trophy - would mean to English rugby and the English rugby-supporting nation.
The tournament currently unravelling is the real gauge of progress, yet we are witnessing a team who have regressed since that defeat in Ireland last year. A team too ponderous at breakdowns. Lacking tempo throughout the ranks. Bereft of angle changes in running patterns. We see these qualities in glimpses, as if Borthwick’s lumpen, kick-heavy style has deemed them impermissible.
The deeply unattractive on-pitch argument between Fin Smith and Maro Itoje which came to light on Monday - Smith challenging Itoje’s decision to opt for three points rather than kick for a lineout and drive; Itoje shouting ‘Don’t argue with me’ – encapsulated the lack of leadership.
At this stage of the tournament, a 10 like Fin Smith should be clinical in all aspects. Compare Scotland’s Finn Russell, with the trust of those around him to be the playmaker and decisive thinker in keeping the scoreboard ticking over.
Italy centre Tommaso Menoncello scores in Rome on Saturday as his side wiped the floor with abject England
England supporters who spent hundreds on tickets for the match deserved an apology - not the suggestion it was a pre-World Cup friendly
Those with short memories seem to have forgotten how, in Dublin 12 months back, Borthwick was lurching from plan to plan, experimenting with his third system in a little more than two years, none of which bore resemblance to the previous one.
RFU chief executive Bill Sweeney, who had just pocketed a £358,000 bonus amid record financial losses and redundancies, distanced himself from Borthwick's appointment and would not even say who had held sway over the hire. Sweeney at least refused on Sunday to commit to Borthwick as England’s coach for the World Cup.
The organisation he leads command £228million in revenue a year and yet England Rugby were tweeting out congratulations to Italy for beating Borthwick's team, a few hours after promoting that merchandise.
No one can be labouring under the illusion that Borthwick is the man for the future. If one positive can be taken from this humbling past month, then it is the clarion call it provides about the state England are in. About the need to sack Borthwick, rip up his myriad plans, and build a team commensurate with the vast wealth and potential of English rugby.