A lone customer walks in on a busy Friday night.
Customer: “Table for six people.”
Me: “Do you have a reservation?”
I know they don’t. We have no six-top reservations tonight, but I’m asking anyway to make it clear to them that they SHOULD have.
Customer: *Scoffs.* “No.”
Me: “There’s going to be about a half-hour wait. Please let me know your name and numb—”
Customer: “I’m not waiting half a f****** hour! We’re hungry!”
Me: “Sir, we don’t have any spare tables for six people at the moment.”
Customer: *Points.* “What about that one?!”
Me: “That one is reserved for eight people who will be arriving in a few minutes.”
Customer: *Points.* “Fine, what about that one?!”
Me: “That one can only seat four.”
Customer: “We’re hungry! We can squeeze in, and you can just give us a discount to make up for it or something.”
Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. If you want six people to dine in with us tonight, it’s going to be a half-hour wait.”
Customer: “Well, I don’t want to.”
Me: “That’s unfortunate.”
Customer: “That’s all you have to say to me?”
Me: “I could also give you directions to the nearest McDonald’s? I don’t think they have a wait.”
Customer: “Talking to customers like that is how you lose them!”
Me: “We have waitlists for our tables; I think we’re doing just fine. So, shall I put your name down for a table for six, or will it be Big Macs and Happy Meals this evening?”
The customer’s wife walked in at that moment, asked what was going on, and when told:
Customer’s Wife: “Half an hour? On a Friday? For six? That’s really good! We’ll take that, please!”
She waited happily while her idiot husband turned redder with the arrival of each member of their party, all being pleasantly surprised by the “so short!” wait time.
Their table was actually ready in twenty minutes, and the customer could only look at the floor when I personally escorted them to their table.
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