Counselling psychologist on why you should practice doing nothing
Keeping busy, in a balanced way, is beneficial to well-being. Studies show that as people age, it has cognitive advantages. However, it becomes an issue when you overdo it, pushing yourself too hard, physically and mentally.
If you give too much to others at the expense of yourself, you find it difficult to set boundaries, and find it hard to relax, you may be inching towards burnout.
Society glorifies and reveres busyness and overdoing it. Proclaiming to be a 'doer' has become a status symbol in modern culture. Our brains are bombarded by stimuli and information as smartphones, social media, newsfeeds, podcasts, emails, and data flood people throughout the day.
According to Neuroscientists, our brains are not wired to multitask effectively. Doing too much at the same time releases adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol. This keeps us in a perpetual state of being 'switched on', leading to brain fog and overload. People then operate on autopilot, hopping from one thing to the next.
We are becoming more easily distracted as we seek to stimulate the reward centres of our brains. Feeling like there is never enough time, having no headspace with hectic schedules and feeling overwhelmed are commonly reported.
Studies on 'idle aversion' show that people will do something to keep busy rather than do nothing for just 15 minutes.
Stress and exhaustion
Overfunctioning can lead to high levels of stress. Being in a state of fight or flight negatively affects the body, such as raising blood pressure, disrupting sleep, blocking libido and weakening the immune system. Psychologically, stress is linked with anxiety, depression, anger and burnout.
Anecdotal evidence would suggest that many people are feeling exhausted. For some, there may be underlying medical issues, but for many, it is a byproduct of stress from doing too much.
Research from 32 countries has revealed that one in five otherwise healthy adults report feeling 'exhausted'. Many describe a constant state of depleted energy intruding on daily life, an inability to concentrate, and waking up not feeling recharged.
Signs of exhaustion include impaired memory, difficulty with decision-making, feeling detached, irritability and being short-tempered. It is not only the doing, but the 'cognitive labour' involved, which is all the thoughts about all the tasks that need to be done: planning meals, job-related, childcare and endless lists.
Contributing factors
If overdoing it and giving too much to others can be bad for us, why do we get so caught up in it?
Like many other behaviours, it can be addictive, giving us bursts of short-lived pleasure. It is a maladaptive self-soothing strategy to get relief. While it might be harming your life and others in it, busyness induces endorphins, which can relieve us from pain, but only in the short term. We then need more, and the cycle evolves. It gets harder to see the wood from the trees.
According to Dr Scott Lyons, a Psychologist in the US, author and podcaster, being busy helps to feel competent and rewarded. He questions what all the 'doing' is really about and explains that there can be a connection between busyness and avoiding something.
Dr Lyons proposes that when you're busy, you don't have to face yourself or what is really going on in your life.
People can get caught up in unrealistic expectations from others in life and work environments. Trying to prove themselves, they go the extra mile all the time, and get stuck in a role. Keeping up that pace as people get older and life's demands increase poses a challenge. It starts to feel like you are being stretched and that something has got to give.
The demands of your life exceed the resources you have, yet you keep going.
Needing to feel in control
People-pleasing and perfectionism also leave a person vulnerable to doing too much and always being on the go. Hyper-independence is another way of being that is characterised by self-sufficiency and intense discomfort with asking for help. There is a lack of trust in others and an inability to delegate, resulting in being overworked and taking on too many responsibilities. In some cases, it is as a result of early trauma.
Past experiences and upbringing also play a part. If you grew up in a chaotic and hectic environment, you may gravitate to that way of being. Perhaps just sitting around and relaxing was shunned.
Self-worth may have developed linked with doing and achieving: in exams, sports and other activities. Having being used to putting others'needs in front of yours may also be a contributing factor.
Strategies to stop yourself from overdoing it
Ask yourself: if you're not busy and doing too much, what happens? What does keeping busy give you? What problems does it cause for you or others? Explore healthier ways to cope.
Gradually take steps to slow down. Try not to fill up the diary and create spaces. There are many ways to say 'no', such as: 'Let me get back to you' or 'That won't work for me this time.'
Practice doing nothing for 10 minutes and build it up. Get used to stillness. Try not to reach for the phone. Engage all your senses and focus on slowing your breathing. This settles your nervous system and lowers cortisol.
Check your 'to-do lists' and expecatations of yourself are realistic. What kind of a role have you been nudged into or got yourself into?
Give yourself extra time, get up earlier and stop rushing.
Don't add drama to daily life, and be mindful of the language you're using.
Be aware when your harsh task master is activated, telling you to do more or that you're not doing enough. Thoughts are not orders. Everything does not have to be done right now.
Work on ways to get good quality sleep by winding down a few hours before bedtime, avoiding food, caffeine, sugar, drinking alcohol and screen. Set a healthy sleep routine by waking up and going to bed at the same time every day. Try meditation to unwind.
Assess and write down your key sources of stress, busyness and giving too much of yourself. Explore ways to cut back and create more space for yourself.
Identify your needs and communicate them to others. Talk it out in therapy if needed. Rather than being busy to avoid yourself, start to meet yourself.
Being busy has positive effects on well-being, but overdoing it is damaging for physical and psychological health. If you are feeling overwhelmed and that something has got to give, don't let it be you. Make modifications now to enjoy a more balanced life.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
Comments (0)