There's a lot of discourse in the Animal Crossing: New Horizons community about resident shop owner and loan shark, Tom Nook. Contrary to what many Western players believe, he is not a raccoon. He's a tanuki, a canid that is native to Japan. But even players who are aware of his non-raccoon status never seem to mention the elephant in the room: his gigantic balls.
I am not talking figurative balls here (though he does have some serious cojones when it comes to charging me 2.5 million Bells to add a basement to my home). I am talking about his enormous, furry testicles. Or rather, his lack thereof.
Let me explain. Tanuki are very real creatures, but in Japanese folklore, they are often depicted with a pair of comically huge balls. I'm currently in Japan for the Apex Legends Global Series (ALGS) Championship, and have seen depictions of tanuki all over the place. From statues outside shops to paintings inside restaurants, one thing every tanuki seems to have in common is their absolutely massive balls.
They use them to parachute. They use them to beat down enemies in combat. They throw them over their shoulders like continental soldiers. But mostly, they just let them hang out in full view of anyone with eyes. They mostly have giant balls because it’s funny, but it’s also a symbol of wealth and good fortune, which clearly ties into Tom’s whole capitalist deal. So here's my question: Where the hell are Tom Nook's enormous balls?
I know what you're thinking: Tom Nook's lack of visible, huge nuts must mean he's a real tanuki, not the magical version from Japanese folklore. I can't get behind this explanation, though. Tom Nook is a talking tanuki who runs his own convenience store. Real tanuki obviously cannot speak or count out exact change, so clearly, Tom is a tanuki of the folkloric variety. This is further backed up by the fact that he owns a business and has a side hustle as a loan shark for home expansions.
As for his mysteriously absent giant balls, I don't have any answers. Per Japanese folklore, tanuki can shapeshift, so it's possible he's used his shape-changing powers to obscure them from view (something I admit I am grateful for). But I do know one thing: I am no longer going to put off the payment on the basement in my Animal Crossing house, lest I anger Tom and face the wrath of his gigantic balls.
