Remember me
Take That have given fans a glimpse into the band's struggles in a 'deeply personal' new docuseries.
The Netflix show, entitled Take That, charted the stratospheric highs that turned to crippling lows as the band imploded following Robbie Williams' sudden departure in 1995.
Gary Barlow, Howard Donald and Mark Owen came together to narrate the series, which features unseen footage of the group and archived interviews with Jason Orange and Robbie.
While now thoroughly documented, Robbie was battling drink and drug addiction during his time in the band, with Gary confessing: 'I never considered that the most insecure and emotional person in the band was Robbie and I feel quite guilty now for not recognising that.'
Mark revealed that things came to a head when Robbie returned from a booze-fuelled jaunt at Glastonbury, explaining: 'Rob came back absolutely wasted.
'I think the lack of interest was obvious and I think that Gaz and J got pretty p****d off about that.'
Take That have revealed how they suffered with suicidal thoughts, financial woes and vicious infighting in a 'deeply personal' new docuseries (Mark Owen pictured)
The Netflixshow, entitled Take That, charted the stratospheric highs that turned to crippling lows as the band imploded following Robbie Williams' (pictured) sudden departure in 1995
He explained the band confronted Robbie about his behaviour, which resulted in him declaring that he was going to quit.
Gary recalled: 'Jason said, "well if you're gonna go just go now then". I thought, he'll be back tomorrow, I've seen this kind of thing before.
'We woke up the next morning and it was some newspaper thing of Robbie's split from the band.
'It was kind of a little bit devastating, you ask yourself loads of questions - what's gonna happen now?
'I think if we all knew it was gonna be that moment, we'd have done it - we'd have all wanted it to be different - after all that time together. It was sort of off the cuff and casual.
'These things, they never happen the way you read them, it's trickier, it's more complex.'
Mark added: 'It was a really odd couple of days, really odd.
'And it sounds quite throwaway for what happened to be one of the most important things that ever happened to our group, him leaving.
'I wasn't in a place where I'd sit down with Gaz and Howard and say "what shall we do about this?" I think the first time we were asked how we feel was by someone on a TV show.'
(L-R) Robbie Williams, Jason Orange, Howard Donald, Gary Barlow and Mark Owen in 1992
While the band had vowed to continue as a four-piece, Gary admitted that they soon grew jealous of the freedom Robbie had as a solo act, while they were being closely monitored by manager Nigel Martin-Smith.
'It was inevitable that we wanted to get out of that world,' Gary mused, revealing he then spoke to the group about going their separate ways.
Not everyone was pleased, however, with Howard confessing: 'I was holding on so tight to this group I felt a bit of anger.
'We were a four-piece and were still successful. We'd sold out a tour, we had number ones, it's like - well why?
'It hit me the hardest simply because I was thinking, "well what am i going to do now?" I'm only trained at being a pop star...
'Everybody watched what was happening and prepared themselves, whereas I was in this dream of it's gonna keep going and going.
'When I was in school, I was a nobody really. I wasn't very clever, didn't go to university, I never dreamt of being successful, never thought I'd be anything and I felt like a superhero being up on that stage.'
Reflecting on how his mental health suffered after the band split, he continued: 'It was almost going through a depressive state.
'I decided to go to the Thames and, the state of my mind at that time, I was seriously thinking of jumping in the Thames, thinking I wanted to kill myself. But I'm just too much of a s**t bag to do it.'
Howard also struggled following the birth of his daughter Grace, with fatherhood making him worry about his finances.
'All of a sudden my money's dwindling, I've gotta look after it, I've got to go to a smaller house,' he recalled.
'Reality again kicks you in the head. This is your life, you're not a pop star anymore.'
Gary Barlow (pictured) Howard Donald and Mark Owen came together to narrate the series, which features unseen footage and archived interviews with Jason Orange and Robbie
Mark was also struggling, having been dropped by his label after his solo career failed to take off.
'You start to feel very negative about yourself,' he said.
Meanwhile Gary suffered a blow when he struggled to emulate the success he had in the band as a solo act.
Explaining his initial state, he shared: 'I was on a massive wave of confidence, my ego was the biggest it had ever been, you think the world owes you everything.
'When you've been at that height you think everything you touch turns to triple platinum.'
Yet that didn't prove to be the case and when Gary's success was eclipsed by Robbie's the pair started a public slanging match.
'Robbie was feeding off the press a bit. That's when it got nasty and it was just not needed.
'That's when it became really competitive. We were both trying to do the same thing and only one person can win.'
While the band had vowed to continue as a four-piece, Gary admitted that they soon grew jealous of the freedom Robbie had as a solo act (Howard pictured)
Robbie's jibes didn't just upset Gary, but Howard, who confessed: 'I didn't like what Robbie had become.
'It was quite hurtful because Gary's me mate so obviously I was gonna stick up for Gary. I just felt a lot of hatred towards Robbie.
'Maybe jealousy of his success, and the fact he was just taking the p**s and getting more and more successful made it even worse. You want to see them fall down.'
Gary became the subject of widespread mockery, and he 'saw it all', with the issue being compounded by Robbie publicly making jibes at him.
'It was just so excruciating,' he confessed. 'You just wanted to crawl into a hole.
'There was a period of about 13 months when I didn't leave the house once. And I also started to put weight on. And the more weight I put on the less people would recognise me.
'I thought "this is good, this is what I've been waiting for, living a normal life." So I went on a mission. If the food passed me, I'd just eat it... and I killed the pop star.'
Gary's weight ballooned to 17 stone and he developed bulimia, an eating disorder he suffered from until he sought help in 2003.
In 2005 the band came back together to film an ITV documentary but Robbie was not present, filming his sections remotely.
'We all had different feelings about Rob at that point,' Gary recalled. 'Mark missed him, Jason missed him, I hated him.'
Nowadays it's just Mark, Gary and Howard left in the group after Jason quit the band and Robbie went back to his solo career (pictured in September)
However, they realised it was time to put the past behind them when reports began to emerge about Robbie's battle with drink and drugs.
Afraid of their former friend going off the rails they jetted to Los Angeles to be by his side, with Gary taking him aside for a private chat.
'I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say to Rob,' Gary recalled. 'He had a lot of stuff he wanted to say to me. We'd just never done it.'
Howard added: 'We went to his house and Robbie had a massive conversation with Gary. What he felt about Gary in the Nineties and how it hurt him and blah, blah, blah.'
Gary recalled: 'Things around me not being supportive about his songwriting, and about his weight interestingly.
'I'd called him Blobby instead of Robbie one day - which I hold my hands up, I shouldn't have done.
'In about 20/25 minutes we'd put to bed things that had haunted us for years and it felt like we could move forward after that.'
The group reunited with Robbie for their 2006 tour, with Gary stating: 'I was in such a bad place, I needed everyone.
'That was really the first time I felt I was in Take That. That was when the band started for me.'
Take That lands on Netflix on Tuesday, January 27.
If you have been affected by this story, contact the Samaritans, call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
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