Why You Don't Buy Your Wife a Dishwasher for Her Birthday

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We thought we were bringing good things to life until sometime in the night, we heard rocking and knocking and rapping and tapping, a million trillion tiny feet skittering across the open oven door. Before we could get a handle on refrigerator demons and washing machine monsters, a horde of unhappy housewives filed for divorce and the course of the future veered left, leaving history in the hands of men who built appliances for someone else to use. We choose to believe they won the warehouse war, but the blood on the floor says otherwise: a million, trillion tiny footprints spell out “we were here and then we weren’t.” Not even an apron left as evidence.

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