Anal-gesic

I know this thing has happened numerous times in numerous stories, so you probably all know where this is going, but I wanted to share it because of what the doctor said.

We had one woman come back again, and her chief complaint was constipation. Going into her chart, I saw that she had been previously given some suppositories to take, and in the triage note, she said her meds weren’t working, and she wanted some different ones.

So, the doctor is asking her questions, making sure nothing else is wrong, and they get to the part about the meds. She says:

Patient: “Well, yeah, the pills I got last time were huge! I have to break them in half to swallow them!”

And then we had to explain that suppositories are not meant to be eaten, and that was why her medication was not relieving her symptoms.

Patient: “Oh, I thought suppository was the name of the medication, like Tylenol. So… how do I actually use my medication?”

Doctor: “On your thumb and up the bum!”