Key-p Your Eyes Open

My friend and I are driving to college together; she’s driving. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she shouts:

Friend: “F***!”

Me: “What is it?!”

Friend: “I forgot my keys!”

Me: “Uh—”

Friend: “—I had that nagging feeling that I forgot something. I was running through a mental list of things when I suddenly realized!”

Me: “[Friend], you—”

Friend: “—I need to figure out who I can call to bring me home from school!”

Me: “[Friend]! You’re driving literally right now.”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “I’m looking at your keys right now, since they’re in the ignition.”

Friend: “…”

Me: “You okay? Want me to drive?”

Friend: “You tell anyone about this, you’re dead.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, it’s not like I would type it up and submit to a website or anything…”